dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
vagina is talking i cant
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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