This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
