I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
