i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
