I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
