if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
