I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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