$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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