I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
