pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
