You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize