I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
did i just pee glitter
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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