dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
