my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
