At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
