dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize