I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
