Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
