he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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