My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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