At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
