dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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