I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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