I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize