people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
