he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
