Can i not drive my cunt home
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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