went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
As shirtless as possible
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize