How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
