You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
