i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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