some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
