Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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