I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
