Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
