But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
