my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize