so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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