i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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