Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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