lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
