I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
jump out the window naked night went bad
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