woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
