Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
