STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
