We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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