i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
