Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
