oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
