Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
