Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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