More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize