Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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