No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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