I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
