Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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