I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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