I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
