Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
please come you make the beer taste better
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
