I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
