I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
