what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
