How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
