they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
