My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
