im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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