All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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