Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
