This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
