I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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