mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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