D3 body, D1 cock
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
