Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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