it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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