Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We are all done wearing pants today
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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