Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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