drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
