After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
