do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
