I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize