I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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