My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
