I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
