i always forget guys have bellybuttons
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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