I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
