So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
