the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
