Already got asked if we're dating
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
