just tell him i said nine months
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize