Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I still have a little drunk in my system
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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