I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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