I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
